In more ways than one I found uncanny similarities in the attributes and skills required to be a successful leader and a parent ever since I became one. Parenting in itself is like being in a Leadership role – you are responsible AND accountable, you are the decision maker, you gotta get things done!
As they say – there is no perfect recipe to Leadership – nor there is to Parenting – and there certainly are no crash courses available – the one and only way you learn is through your experiences – each day!
Here are some of my top favourite attributes or call it skills which I believe are common for being successful as a leader and parent (something I have learnt and imbibed over the years, both as a leader and as a parent):
- Empathy – This one is the most under rated of the virtues (least talked about) – but the MOST important one on my list. An easy test of how much empathy you have is how seamless you are with kids. Trust me! If you are low on this, you are in for a disaster! A lot can be written and said about empathy because it is the key ingredient of not just parenting and leadership – but ANY relationship. (but I will keep it limited here as its not the core topic for this one). Understanding your child (and your team’s) perspective by really getting down into their shoes (not literally though!) is the only way you will really relate to them and vice versa. Empathy builds trust and that really opens the doors for a whole lot of other positive outcomes. Communication cannot happen if two parties are on different pages – and empathy bridges that gap – just right.
- Conflict Management – Humans have a general tendency to avoid conflict, with a fear of being disliked, or being in an uncomfortable argument. As parents, we either give in to the child’s tantrum to avoid conflict, or ignore it (instead of addressing the situation appropriately). Many a times with our team members we refrain from giving timely feedback because of the discomfort we might feel if the other person does not agree. There are several books written on ‘How to say No’ because honestly we give in many a times to situations just to avoid the conflict a ‘NO’ can bring. Reprimanding a child or a team member to manage conflict is NOT Conflict Management (it falls in the same category as avoiding). Managing conflicts (with self, kids, team members or others) is a skill that one needs to make conscious effort to learn, but once mastered it can make any relationship a smooth ride.
- Prioritization – Multi tasking becomes a norm when you are a parent or a leader as ‘to do’ lists for Leaders and Parents are endless. And that’s why its extremely important to master the art of ‘Prioritization’. Remember we have finite time and energy – and hence understanding where to invest it and doing so wisely is indispensable to reach positive outcomes of our actions. This is where conflict management also plays a role, because as we prioritize there will be many tasks and situations that do not make it to the priority list. Prioritization is a key ingredient for stress management. It frees up mental space so one can be more focused and present in what is prioritized rather than distributing half hearted efforts across multiple activities.
- Role Modeling – Call it ’Walk the talk’ or anything else, but I couldn’t agree with it more than ever, now as a parent. Its scientifically proven that children only learn and imbibe what they see their parents do uptil the age of 15. That actually becomes the baseline for them as they get ready and prepared to take on the world. If you want them to be physically and mentally resilient, you as parents need to do and show things that build that. Simply telling kids to focus will not teach them to focus if you are constantly distracted when you are with them. Similarly a ”leader is the one who knows the way, goes the way, shows the way”. A common phrase used in the Corporate world is ‘Tone at the top’. Leaders define the culture in their teams. Team members learn and imbibe actions from their leaders. Being aware of how one’s actions impact the child (and teams) is crucial for a parent and leader alike and modeling the behaviours you want them to imbibe is imperative.
- Let Go: More often than not, as Leaders and Parents, things will not go as planned – (lets say the way you want) and THAT’s OKAY. A successful leader and a happy parent takes a deep breath and gets straight into a solutioning mode rather than dwelling on the problem. Most of the times you may need to completely change tracks and its okay. And that is where being well prepared with a Plan B,C,D.. helps. Problems or unsuccessful plans are like balloons. You can continue to blow air into it by discussing about the problem or stretching it, but end of the day it either bursts or air flows out of it, which brings you back to where you started.
While we as parents or leaders need to constantly learn, imbibe and use these skills in our day to day life, our children need to be taught about these as well early on. Children who learn about social and emotional learning during their childhood grow up into adults who are mindful, respectful, resilient and WHO CARE!
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